look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
