So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
