I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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