we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
