dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
