Sponge bath it is.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
