Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
