I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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