My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
