He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
