are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
