I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
