I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
