dude i'm inner monologue high
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
