It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
