my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
