Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
