I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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