Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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