there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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