yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
