Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
