Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
