Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
