so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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