I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
