trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
