I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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