He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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