yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
