i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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