get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
did you just send me my own nude
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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