you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
