I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My life is pants optional.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
