I will die if light touches me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
