Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
