I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
