i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
