he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
