$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she told me i tasted like america
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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