i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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