you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A bitchslap is in order.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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