He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
