I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
