you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
