when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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