Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
