from now on my penis is your penis
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
