Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
