the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
