Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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