It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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