So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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