U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
