if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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