got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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