I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
