haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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