I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
